Welcome to the Deliberate Motherhood series! If this is your first post, you can see
the rest of them here. There are 12 Powers that help bring peace, order, and joy
to mothering. We're focusing on one each month. You don't need a book to join the discussion-
I'd love to hear your thoughts on each issue. But if you want one, you can order it here.
I know you sang the Celine Dion song in your head when you saw the title of my post.
*crickets chirping*
Or maybe I'm the only odd one. Am I dating myself? That song is pretty old....
Last month, I talked about how I would be working on being a better mother this year as I read and apply the inspiration I found in Deliberate Motherhood. I talked about acceptance and how learning to accept the not-so-pretty parts of being a mom would help make mothering easier and more meaningful. I have to say it was always in the back of my head the entire month.
This month, it's all about Love. How fitting for the month that contains Valentine's Day! I, ahem, love, love, loved this chapter of the book. It was so inspiring to me.
Is anyone else out there the "mean" parent? By that, I mean, you're the one who disciplines, who (often) nags, is in charge of making sure the homework and the chores and the studying gets done, etc. It really makes me feel like a mean mom! Sometimes I feel like my days are just endless checklists of things I am getting my kids to do/accomplish/attend/finish. School, homework, chores, activities/practice, etc. As I hug and kiss my kids at night, I realize this is probably the only time I am truly showing them love through the whole day!
Did I listen to them talk about their day at school? Did I come see my four-year-old's eleventh picture that he drew for me? Did I check out the Lego creation in my son's room? Did I give my daughter a hug when she was frustrated? All too often the answer is "no".
This month, my goal is to show my children I love them. I say it every day, multiple times even. But now I need to do better showing them.
That endless list of things to do I mentioned above? It is essential to remember that love is "the explicit motivator behind what we do". When we do, "everyday, mundane tasks suddenly become meaningful" (DM, p.25) All those things on my to-do lists are important-- but only if I approach them with love and if my family feels loved as I do them. My love for my family and children is the reason I do all those things.
So, what can we do to show our love as we go about our day?
Learn the "love language" your children speak. Are they encouraged by physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, or gifts? Figure it out, and apply it to your interactions with your kids.
Build "Love Rituals" into your daily routines- things you deliberately to help your children feel loved. Lunchbox notes, spending time one on one, a shoulder or foot massage, tickles and silliness, bedtime stories, eating snacks with them after school as chat, or more. Find your own rituals, even if it feels awkward at first. When you find the ones that truly work, you'll know.
Complete your tasks with your family in mind. Remember why you are doing what you're doing.
I would love to hear some things you do to show love to your children. I have no trouble being the mom (enforcing the rules and chores our family finds important) vs. being the best friend, but I also don't want my children to have any doubt that I love them fiercely. Can you share things you do in the comments?
